I remember the day I decided to check in and really WANTED the help for myself. It was April 20th, 2014, and I woke up very sick. I could barely move, and I had burnt most of my bridges so I couldn't get a fix. When the nausea started I ran to the bathroom- I was only dry heaving because I hadn't eaten for days. When I looked in the mirror after washing my face I completely broke down. I had no idea who it was I was looking at. I was maybe 110 lbs soaking wet. Acne all over my face. My hair hadn't been brushed since God knows when, and my teeth had begun to fall apart. Then I realized, I didn't know who I was looking at in the mirror because I knew nothing about myself anymore. I didn't have a favorite food or favorite color. I had no hobbies, and is couldn't hold a job. I remember literally screaming out loud in hysterics, "I can't do this anymore! God, if you're out there, if you exist... help me, please. I don't want to die!"The crying finally calmed and then the worst part came. The hopelessness. I spent an hour convincing myself I was a lost case and I'd be better off dead. As soon as I knew I wanted to die, I became very frightened. I had a 4 year old daughter and two year old twin boys. Was I really considering making these children grow up without a mother? Could I even gather the strength to do it? Do I really truly want to die- that was the most important question I asked myself. I looked in the mirror some more... And then at old pictures around the house of myself to compare. I think God gave me strength in that moment... because I knew I felt like dying- but my gut feeling kept telling me there's another way out of this hell, and it doesn't require hurting anyone. But I still had this hopelessness, an emptiness in my heart and in my eyes that just made it seem like no one was home upstairs. I went in my kitchen and stared at my fridge. I was thinking about going to get something to drink and I noticed some pictures fell off the fridge. I picked them up and they were pictures of my children, my parents, my brother and my grandparents. That was that glimmer of hope I needed. Just enough drive to get myself through the door was all I needed- David Lawrence took over from there. So, I picked up the phone and was on my way that afternoon. The detox and residential facilities are separate, which is great because residents feel a lot better than people who are detoxing and they can be noisy. And detoxing clients can be a huge trigger for residential clients. They became that for me, personally. Detox has a meeting every single night with local NA or AA volunteers who share their experience, strength and hope... As well as their phone numbers! My detox was awful. Alcohol, mostly. It took 13 days I believe before they were ready to send me home. The director of detox at the time asked me if I would be willing to stay for the 28 day program, because she feared I would never make it back. I mean, I was in REALLY rough shape. So I went for it and said yes. After 3 days I was finally able to go over to Crossroads, which is lovely! The dorm rooms are like hotel rooms with four comfortable beds, chairs, a tv and a big bathroom. A kitchen which clients have access to for a very large part of the day. My favorite part was the patio. I would sit on this patio in the morning and write down my goals for the day while drinking (caffeine free) coffee and watching the day get brighter after sunrise. There's a small fountain that sounds like a babbling brook and I found it easy to let my troubles flow away with the water. There are flowers out there, sea oats, and even some exercise equipment and a ping-pong table. I had my share of hardships.. days of wanting to give up on recovery because I was starting to FEEL again, and I didn't know how to handle it. There is one staff member in particular who helped me through this, and I am proud to say he helped to shape me into who I am today. By the time I completed Crossroads, I had grown up. 26 1/2 years old and I finally felt like I had purpose. I stopped "not caring" about anything and started carrying myself with dignity and pride. I stopped accepting the unacceptable. I stopped playing the victim and started taking responsibility. I learned to ask for help. Which is probably the simplest yet greatest tool this program taught me how to use. I will use this tool every day of my life, for the rest of my life. I didn't do what was suggested right away- I didn't go to a meeting before I went home. I didn't ask for help, and after 56 days I relapsed. I kept it secret for quite some time, and I continued to pray and go to meetings every day no matter what. Atleast for that hour of the day, I was safe and not using or drinking. On August 20, 2014 I stepped into a noon meeting and asked for help... my entire world changed. I started working the program to the best of my ability with my sponsor. I changed all my people, places and things. Within months I had a larger group of friends than I've ever had and they were all clean and sober. The best part? They only wanted the same for me; nothing more, nothing less. Every morning I ask God for help to guide me through the day. If I ever get the desire to use, I pick up the phone even if it's 3am. And I call those people that the staff at Crossroads introduced me to at meetings. By the time I spoke at Crossroads for my 1st birthday, my life had already been going better than I could have dreamed. I got my job back, my 3 children back, I rented a beautiful house, bought a car, chaired meetings and had a beautiful baby girl on the way. By doing the things I was taught at DLC I had everything I could ever need, and almost everything I could ever want.This facility will always be family to me. Which is why I attend their Tuesday night Alumni meeting as often as possible. Afterwards, a large group of alumni head out to dinner to catch up. Every single week. The alumni are such a diverse group in age, race, sex, religion etc... But we have a common problem that we can only solve together. Everyone I've ever known that has gone to Crossroads can speak highly of it. For myself as well as many others, the beginning of the second week gets to be difficult. You start questioning all the little rules and wondering why you have to follow them. But everything they do is with purpose. Every little suggestion, assignment, and even every rule is in order for specific reasons which I couldn't see. But by the time I was leaving, it made sense. I wish I was a billionaire. I would offer to send every suffering alcoholic and addict to Crossroads without batting an eye, because I believe this place saves people. They saved me. The proof is in every person that walks through the doors on Tuesday night for the meeting. If you're lucky, you'll be there on the night of an anniversary celebration and you listen to another graduate share their life story with you, and it's beautiful. And you watch my favorite staff member hand over this beautifully shined medallion with such pride in his eyes you won't doubt for a second that he meant it the first time he welcomed you into the family, and that he considered you a part of his own. There is comfort in that. We are family. And we never have to be alone... ever again. I could continue to rave about this center for hours. On September 3rd of 2015, I had a perfect little girl. The first meeting I took her to, less than a week after she was born, was at Crossroads so she could meet the family. On September 17th I relapsed, and I made my way back to Crossroads, but I was not attentive. I was suffering greatly from post-partum depression and caved under pressure. I left early... not because of the program, but because I was wasting their time and my own. I needed something more. This amazing family didn't make me feel terrible. They made me feel loved and I got so many suggestions and phone calls made to programs for me and referrals... I am now sober for a week, and I am waiting for my bed at a long-term program the Crossroads team felt was best suited for my needs.