Freedom Farm Ministries... Where do I start? I could write novels about my experience while I was there. But let\'s start at the beginning... I\'d like ya to please listen to me... Yes, YOU... reading this right now. I hope this ultimately reaches the heart of my unknown friend who bares the, oh so heavy weight of an addiction. If you\'re reading this and you aren\'t the addict... then you\'re a parent, relative, spouse, child, or good friend of the addict.
Of all the possible roles listed above, all but one have something in common. All of you reading this deeply loves the person whose cross to carry in his life is the overwhelming burden of addiction... Am I right? Well... Guess what? He loves you too... Regardless of the creeks and rivers of life that carry people like myself, my friends, and your loved one to our addiction, they all lead to the same place. They all lead to one enormous dark black sea of despair. And of the millions and millions of people who have unfortunately completed the painful voyage to that sea..... Every single one of us feel as if we\'re all alone in our constant suffering. Our bad choices have led us to live a life based on a very well known statement...\" Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here\"... and that\'s precisely what we\'ve done.
I was done with life... and I do mean DONE! I was finished . As the tears rolled down my sick face and onto my alcohol chapped lips I can remember like it was yesterday the taste of each one. I can remember each emotion that every warm tear carried as it fell from my chapped lips onto my cold shaking hands. Some were from sorrow, regret, and self pity. Others fell from the guilt, loneliness, anger, self loathing, and rage I felt... Yet, some were from a dark joy and relief I felt because I was ready to check out... for good. I felt the termination of my existence would be the best thing that could happen to me.... I had single handedly destroyed my marriage, my relationship with everyone, my relationship with God, as well as my kiddos (who I loved then and I love now more than anything.) I was a drunk, a horrible husband, and an all around bad person, but I will tell u this... The love I had and have for my children is second to none and I believe The Holy Spirit used that to keep me alive.... But, my wife had left and taken the kids with her (as she should\'ve) I was alone, serious about suicide, and ready.... I was finished.... Or was I?
When ya get to the safehouse ask the guys there how they felt right before they made the call to ask for help...That awkward call to ask for acceptance into Freedom Farm and begin the long road to recovery. I was scared and nervous... that, and suffering from severe withdrawl symptoms. The moment I got the ok from the Farm I left my lonely home in Alabama and drove as fast as I could to Boone, NC.
When I arrived at the safehouse I laughed and thought \"this isn\'t goina work\". What happened next I didn\'t expect... I walked in the door right after dinner and was greeted with a handshake that turned into a hug.... and it smelled SO good. The only thing I had put in my body in the last 4 days was tobacco, a few pills, and a butt load of Makers Mark. I couldn\'t keep anything down during detox so I was literally starving. After eating everything in sight, I decided to have a smoke. I walked outside to smoke and saw some dudes just chillin\' around a campfire and they were laughing.... Do you, reading this right now realize what I just said??? Laughing!!!!! Think about this... 15 GUYS, all very recently coming off of whatever it was they were on, and they were ALL laughing!!!!! I nervously made my way to the fire and was welcomed by everyone. I sat down... I had my smoke... and 30 minutes later I was laughin\' hysterically with them... At first I didn\'t realize what was happening... It wasn\'t until my face hurt from laughing so hard that I realized I was sober and laughing and ... so were they! I couldn\'t believe it!!! That night I climbed into my bunk to try and get some sleep. As I covered myself up in the dark I got a feeling that I hadn\'t felt in a long time.... When I was a child and climbed in my bed there was almost an excitement. I would curl up and hug my knees as the cool covers fell over me...I remember that I felt safe, I knew everything was goina be fine.... As the cool covers began to warm I would grow tired and drift calmly and peacefully to sleep.... As I did that night... Sober. That was just my first night there.
There\'s no way I can explain the events to come over the next year in this post. I completed my year and eventually left Freedom Farm to try again... Of course I still stay connected with em all cuz there my boyz and I love em. But if ya have questions call them.... If ya just wanna hear more I\'d love to tell ya!! I can tell ya the year to come was was great! I can tell you that if ya just hang in there and give it just ONE year it\'ll be great for you too. I\'m not sayin\' everyday\'s a vacation. Its not. Ya gotta be tough. Ya gotta look and listen for what the Lord\'s tryin\' to tell ya. Not a Christian? Okay... Don\'t believe in all that religious stuff? That\'s okay too... Make the call, man.... Try and keep an open mind while you\'re there and let\'s just see how this thing plays out.