To summarize, my son initially came to Cottonwood to be treated for sexual addiction but also has Bipolar 1/schizoaffective disorder. He has never been away from home on his own - save his hospitalization where I accompanied him every day - so in sending him, I considered him to be extremely vulnerable. His cycle, before going to Cottonwood, was such that often after arranging and going on a date via an “app,” his date would decide she didn\'t want a relationship, he would spiral, get manic, and say he \"wants to die.” After he engaged in unsafe sexual behavior with a stranger he met online as a result of one of these dates, he asked to go to treatment. So we sent him to Cottonwood in good faith, but with much concern, which I discussed with an Admissions person. She assured me she would talk to staff and that staff would take good care of him. She mentioned that the environment was mixed, and I thought it would be good practice for my son in hopes that he would stop objectifying women. I, myself, have been trying to allow him to be an adult and make his own choices, so this separation was a good step for he and me, both.
Upon his return:
He stated that a 37 year-old married woman had fallen in love with him at Cottonwood and that she was coming to see him immediately following her departure from Cottonwood. She did and succeeded in seducing him multiple times and introducing him to additional addictive activities.
I cannot overstate how alarmed, disappointed, and angry I am that this was allowed to happen in what I was led to believe was a safe and secure treatment environment at Cottonwood, as well as considering the significant expense we invested out of pocket for his treatment at Cottonwood.
My list of grievances with Cottonwood, include the following:
He was supposed to have secured a temporary 12-step sponsor, something that should have been done and verified by staff before he left Cottonwood.
Preventative steps and monitoring at Cottonwood should have ensured that he would not have been allowed to engage in a romantic relationship at all. This would have included his avoiding mixed groups where someone might feel the need to rescue another from the opposite sex.
In fact, he should be refraining entirely from romantic relationships until he sufficiently addresses his own issues.
Connor admitted to a therapist that he thought this woman might be a predator, to which the therapist agreed, but there was no follow up.
A couple of times, staff gave him the wrong doses of his meds, which he thankfully caught. (You cannot make mistakes like this with a serious mental illness!)
The volunteer minister informed him that the Lord might heal him and allow him not to take meds anymore. I believe in miracles, but this was totally irresponsible and erroneous and unethical!
We should have had more family counseling. As it was, we had just one session of 40 minutes of exit information 4 days before his release.
His main therapist at Cottonwood, told me that he is responsible for his own recovery, and I agree with that statement. I have let my son know that I disagreed with what he did with the married woman, but recognize that he is an adult and, as such, has the right to date and do as he pleases as long as it doesn’t directly affect us. However, he: still lives with us, his parents; doesn’t have a job; has a serious mental illness; and is completely medically reliant, as well as financially reliant, and reliant in other ways upon this household. (He probably is intellectually about 16, at this point.) He is actually worse off, in many ways now, than he was when he entered treatment at Cottonwood. This is deeply breaking my heart.
Currently, his behavior also directly affects us in the sense that we spent a lot of money in sending our vulnerable son to Cottonwood in good faith. I believe that the Cottonwood team fell far short of the represented expectations for his treatment while there and upon his release. His relationship with us is very precarious at the moment, but he relies on us for his bipolar medication. My biggest concern is that, in his anger, he may leave us without proper training about the ramifications that choice could have on his physical, mental, and social health.
